Uryu Put Drugs In My Twinkie
by xYuzuki-Tachiox
Summary: Uryu and Yuzuki are taking fear to a whole new level...with TWINKIES! Join on the epic adventure as they strike fluffy cream filling into the lives of the universe! -CRACK-
1. Chapter 1

Yuzuki's Notes: This was made of pure idiocy. I'm really hyper. So, I made this. Enjoy!!

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. But if I did, Ichigo would be a girl. And Kon would be a bear, not a lion. And I would be part of the show...hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. But I think Tite Kubo wouldn't like me, I'd screw it up and call it Twinkie...or Milk...or Tide...instead of Bleach.

**Uryu Put Drugs In My Twinkie.**

**I'd Like To Thank That Stupid Twinkie That Made Me Sick, And My Nee-San, Nozomi. And All Who Read!**

_Narrator POV._

One day, Ichigo was eating lunch, as usual, on the rooftop, with Orihime, Chad, and Uryu. Ichigo sighed and pulled out what he had for lunch,

_Ham sandwich._

_Diet Soda._

_A bag of sliced apples._

_'Huh?' _Ichigo pulled out a Twinkie. It was chocolate flavored, and he had a bad feeling about this, for some unusual reason. He sighed, he was too jumpy, especially since Hollows were bound to show up any second.

He looked at what the others were doing, quietly eating their lunch. Uryu, with out Ichigo noticing couldn't help but smirk.

_'Heh...this is pay back...Kurosaki. You don't mess with the Quincy.'_

He watched in victory as Ichigo bit into the Twinkie and swallowed the bite.

_'Checkmate.'_

Immediately, Ichigo had to crap. He didn't know why...maybe he was allergic to Twinkies?

"Um...Kurosaki-kun? You don't look so good." Orihime pointed out the obvious, Ichigo was turning bright green.

"Y-Yeah...I don't feel so... BLAH!"

"Ew! You threw up on my food!"

"Sorry, Inoue I...BLAH!"

Chad's foot had fresh puke on it. He looked up and said quietly. "Ew."

Uryu fell over laughing, almost drawing tears. Then he crossed his arms in X shape and manically laughed. "BUWUAHAHAHAHA! That's what happens when you mess with the Quincy! You get upchucked!"

"You evil little shit! I'll-" Ichigo then stopped, as Uryu was pointing at his pants, holding his hand with his mouth.

"What?" Ichigo looked down there...and noticed a large wet spot...

"HA! You pissed yourself!"

"YOU EVIL SICKO!!! I'LL...ahhhhhh..."

Ichigo then passed out, drool vibrating from his mouth. Uryu laughed, really hard. He fell over, the sight was creepy, psychotic....maniacal... (Yuzuki: Sexy...mmm...lol.)

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Yak...Ha...Ha....ha..." he cleared his throat, then sat himself down taking in deep breaths. Then when back to eating his lunch.

Orihime and Chad sat their, dumbfounded. "Um..."

**Ichigo:**

"...And that's how Uryu did it.

I learned my lesson.

**NEVER, EVER** eat Twinkies."

**Me:**

"Wow. That only makes Uryu ten times as hot... -drools-."

**Ichigo:**

"Were you even listening!? I'm trying to tell you a story!"

**Me:**

"I was listening."

**Ichigo:**

"...and?"

**Me:**

"-points and laughs- Ichigo pissed himself! BUWHAHAHAHAHA!"

**Note To Readers: The Author, Yuzuki is not trying to say put drugs in your friends (or enemies) Twinkies. That's just wrong. She is trying to make fun of Ichigo. The whole point exactly.**

**Uryu:**

"Um...why is this on fan fiction?"

**Me:**

"I'd just thought I'd let the readers know of your brilliant scheme!"

**Uryu:**

"Have you been stalking me again!?"

**Me:**

"What? No. I'm an innocent little girl."

**Uryu: **

"Innocent my ass!"

**Me:**

"Eh...something wrong with your ass...?"

**Uryu: **

"This is hopeless."

**Will Uryu ever get through to Yuzuki? Will Ichigo ever dye his hair? Will Yuzuki ever listen to Ichigo?**

**Yuzuki:**

"Yeah. Twinkies are DA bomb."

**Will Yuzuki ever see how crazy she is? (No...)**

**Yuzuki:**

"You may call me crazy, but you have no idea."

**Uryu: **So...is there some kinda moral to the story?

**Yuzuki:** -shrugs- What's a moral?

**Uryu:** Like a lesson...or...

**Yuzuki:** That's easy. TWINKIES ROCK!!

**Uryu**: No...it has to be one that makes sense.

**Yuzuki:** -crosses arms- Hmph. Then what do you suggest Mr Uryu-Twinkie-Hater-Ishida?!?

**Uryu: **The moral would be... "Trust your gut." or... "Know your enemy." or...

**Yuzuki:** -boo!- Boring! I like mine better.

**Uryu:** IT MAKES NO SENSE!

**Yuzuki:** -nods- YEAH it does, "Twinkies...ROCK!"

**Uryu:** -sighs- Forget it...

**MORAL OF STORY:**

**TWINKIES ROCK.**

**-Thanks! And Review~! Or if you think this is crazy, or the author is crazy....don't be afraid to say it! She takes it as a compliment!!**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, Tide Kubo does. XD

Yuzuki's Notes: Here it is! The long awaited return of: Uryu Put Drugs In My Twinkie...PART 2!!!! there are two more to come. Hope this satisfies your need of laughter! Review~! Also I was listening to Disturbia by Rihanna while writing this. It was funny. You'll see why. :) Warning: Cursing!!!!!!! Also I meant to post this on Uryu's birthday which was on the 6th. But I failed to do so.

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO URYU!!! **

Uryu: Hm...

Yuzuki: Huh? What is it, Uryu?

Uryu: You spelled Kubo-sensei's name wrong.

Yuzuki: Yah. I know.

Uryu: Don't you think that's kind of rude? Don't you respect him?

Yuzuki: Of course I do, baka! I just saw the opportunity and **BAM**!

Uryu: Well then....

**XD XD XD XD XD XD **

_**Listening To: Disturbia by Rihanna**_

**Uryu Put Drugs In My Twinkie.**

**Part 2.**

**Staring: Uryu Ishida.**

**Co-Starring: Renji Abarai and Ichigo Kurosaki.**

**With Special Guest! (No Pun Intended): Yuzuki Cross.**

Another day in the human world for Renji. Everyone's favorite tomato head. Though Renji hated every minute of it. Especially since Yuzuki had started coming to school with him. Old Man Yamamoto just had to partner them up. Though she was a great Substitute Shinigami, she was a pain in the ass for Renji, and also a stalker.

Yuzuki sat down beside him, sighing deeply her short messy black haired slightly covering her bored expression. Wait...Yuzuki...bored?!

"Hey, Sparkles-chan." Renji said. Sparkles was her nickname. Except no one knew why... "What's with the bored look. Don't you usually stalk Ishida-san?"

Yuzuki shook her head. "He's absent today."

"Huh? I thought nerds were always present."

"I thought so to..." Yuzuki frowned. "...and that's what made him a great target to stalk..."

Renji gave her a pat on the back. "Don't worry. Why don't you go stalk Kurosaki-san?"

Soon Ichigo appeared next to Yuzuki. "What about stalking me?"

Yuzuki gave a light wave. "Hey, Strawberry-kun. Don't worry. You're no fun to stalk."

"How would you know?"

Yuzuki shrugged. "Besides making out with Ruki-chan...and fighting with Isshin-dono, your life is completely boring."

Renji laughed. "Making out? With Rukia-san?"

Yuzuki nodded. "Yup."

"Any tongue?

"Loads of it."

Ichigo turned a thousand shades of red, and threw his lunch sack at Yuzuki's face, thank goodness for her quick reflexes and she easily caught the lunch sack in her hand. She threw it back at Ichigo, who caught it in his hands.

Renji enjoyed the scene. Yuzuki was really the only one who could make Ichigo get ticked off in the most sick and twisted ways.

"Well...I guess I should eat my lunch. Ishida-san was very grateful to make it for me yesterday."

Ichigo raised and eyebrow. He had another feeling...but shrugged it off.

Renji then opened his lunch bag. He felt hungry. Well, Ishida-san had helped him pack his lunch. He opened the brown bag. Inside was:

_A juice box. _He'd have to get Yuzuki to tell him how to drink from it.

_A tuna sandwich. _

Then he pulled out another item. _It_. _It _was back.

_'What the...hell...is a...' _Renji thought looking at the name for the product. _'Twinkie?!'_

Well, whatever Ichigo was drinking was spit out on to Yuzuki. Yuzuki's black hair was soaked with the liquid. She fumed. "WHAT THE HELL?!"

Immediately Renji was wrestled to the ground by Ichigo. "Kurosaki-san?! What the hell, man?!"

"Give it to me!!!"

"What?!"

Ichigo flipped himself on top of Renji. He tried to grab the Twinkie, which was just beyond his reach...in Renji's hand. He just had to grab the Twinkie before Renji could eat it!!

Yuzuki, pissed off because it took for ever to get her hair that messy, grabbed the back of Ichigo's shirt, and pulled him off Renji.

"Baka...kestu (ass)..." she cursed under her breath, and threw Ichigo on the ground, repeatedly stamping her foot on Ichigo's face. "DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO GET MY HAIR LIKE THIS?! EIGHT FUCKING YEARS, YOU BAKA!!!!! EIGHT YEARS!!!!"

"Gah! Yu...zuki...! St...op!! OPFH!!! GAH!!!" Ichigo's voice muffled by pain and Yuzuki's foot. "Gr...ab...the...Twinkie!!!!! OPHF!!!!!!!"

Renji sighed scratching his tomato red hair. _'What was that for...?'_ he shrugged. Yuzuki could beat him up for him. Then he sighed, opening the plastic covering for the pastry.

Ichigo noticed this. "Ren....ji! N...ooooo!!!!!"

The Twinkie inched towards his mouth...slowly Ichigo watched. His eyes closing slowly...

_'I'm...to...late...'_

The Twinkie was bit into. Renji swallowed to bite and sighed in satisfaction. "Hey! That's good!"

Yuzuki calmed down looking over at Renji. "Yeah. Of course. Twinkies are the bomb here in the human world. They last like...forever on a shelf!"

Ichigo groaned. Wiping his face. He looked at Renji. Why...? Why... wasn't he...

"Huh? What's with the dumb look, Kurosaki-san?" Renji said. "Or is it just because Sparkle-chan rearranged your face?" he gave a light chuckle, and Yuzuki sighed throwing water on her hair from a water bottle. She wasn't at the least embarrassed.

"Do...you feel funny?"

Renji shook his head. "No."

Ichigo then stood up. "Do you feel like you wanna piss yourself?"

Renji shook his head slowly...this was an AWKWARD question... "No..."

"BUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The three turned their head to the side, there Ishida was. Laughing maniacally in pride of his little scheme.

Ichigo ran towards him. "WHY ISN'T HE THROWING UP AND STUFF?!"

Uryu smirked, pushing up his glasses. "He's not supposed to, Kurosaki-san."

"Then why...?"

"Allow me to explain. I knew you react that way when you knew that I had packed the lunch and when he pulled out the Twinkie. I knew you would try to retrieve it. Luckily Sparkle-chan was here to distract or you may have gotten it. You were paranoid, Kurosaki." he said smirking. "Now that was the real prize to see you act like that."

Yuzuki nodded to herself. "It was pretty funny, Ishi-kun."

Ishida nodded. "Thank you, Sparkle-chan."

Ichigo pointed accusingly at her. "Shut up!!"

Yuzuki shrugged. "I think Ishi-kun should receive some kinda award."

Ichigo growled and went over to Renji taking the Twinkie form his hands. "Give it!" he then pushed it down his throat in less then a second.

"Uh..." Renji and Yuzuki said in unison.

"Ugh...why...do I feel...dizzy...?" Ichigo said his head spinning. Ishida smirked. "Once again, Kurosaki-san...don't mess with the Quincy."

_**XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD**_

Yuzuki: AND THE AWARD FOR BEST SICKEST, TWISTED TRICK...GOES TO...ISHIDA, URYU!!!!!!!!!!!

Uryu: -bows- Thank you, thank you very much.

Yuzuki: -holds out a trophy that looks like a Twinkie-

Uryu: Thank you one and all. I Uryu Ishida am proud to receive such a great honor.

Ichigo: ASSHOLE!!! GO BURN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Uryu: -smirks- I'd also like to thank my most favorite victim, Ichigo Kurosaki.

Renji: -pats Uryu's shoulder- Good job, four-eyes. I never thought I'd say this...but...you're one sick twisted mother fucker.

Uryu: I know.

**XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD**

Uryu: So what's the moral this time?

Yuzuki: Dunno. Haven't thought that far.

Uryu: And you call yourself and author?!

Yuzuki: Hey! I'm forgetful! Don't blame me!

Uryu: Well...how about...

Yuzuki: I got it!

Uryu: Already?!

Yuzuki: Here goes...

**MORAL OF STORY:** TWINKIES FUCKING ROCK AND ALL YOU OTHER PASTRIES FUCKING SUCK!!!!!!!!! OH YEAH!!!!!!!

Uryu: ...Must you curse?

Yuzuki: Of course.

**:) Thanks to all who read. PLEASE REVIEW!!!! AND HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY TO URYU!!!! !!!!!!!**


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, Tite Kubo does. XD

- - -

Yuzuki: Hello! If you're reading this, than you have a great scene of humor!

Ichigo: You people are freaking sick!

Yuzuki: Hey?! Who let him in here!?

Ichigo: I busted the door down. Because I heard you were gonna do another Uryu Put Drugs In My Twinkie.

Yuzuki: But this time your not a victim.

Ichigo: Really?

Yuzuki: Cross my heart.

Ichigo: -sarcastically- Riiight.

- - -

_Opening Theme: You Better Pray by The Red Jump Suit Apparatus. (Which I don't own either.)_

**Uryu Put Drugs In My Twinkie**

**Part 3- Don't Cross The Quincy**

Starring:

**Uryu Ishida and Yuzuki Cross**

Today's Victim, I mean...uh Co-Star:

**Toshiro Histugaya**

- - -

It was a normal day for Toshiro Histugaya.

Or so it seemed.

For once, Rangiku had done her work, Ukitake hadn't offered him any food, no one had called him Shiro-Chan, or made fun of his size.

"Somethings going on here." he said his eyes darting around in suspicion.

He wasn't a genius for nothing.

"Hey~!!! Shiro-chan!"

He sighed. There went a normal day.

"What is it...Cross-san?"

Yuzuki Cross. Toshiro thought she was even more annoying than Rangiku. Rangiku even agreed with it.

She grinned, her green eyes shining with mischief, as always, and her short messy black hair cupping her cheeks.

In her hands she held out an lunch sack.

He raised an eyebrow.

"This is for you. It's an apology."

He looked taken back. "W-What for?!"

"For..." she scratched the back of her head. "Well..putting the green dye in your hair, gluing you to your seat, drawing little pictures of you and Ukitake on the walls..."

He sighed and took the lunch sack. "I get the picture."

She smiled and bowed her head. "Thanks! So...does this mean you except my apology?"

He nodded. "I guess so."

She clapped her hands together happily. "Yay!" then out of nowhere she pulled out a brown lunch sack similar to the one she gave him.

"Let's go eat lunch together!" She grabbed him by his waist and threw him over her shoulder.

He pounded his fist on her back. "Cross! You know I hate being handled by people bigger than me!!"

She only grinned. Even more than Gin Ichimaru could.

He sighed in defeat as she put him down on the ground. He dusted himself clean, and sat on the ground next to Yuzuki.

Yuzuki had already dug into her lunch, like she hadn't eaten in four hundred years. Scarfing down each bite of the rice cake.

His eye twitched slightly.

"Go on! Ishi-kun made it for us!"

His eyebrows raised. He had heard from Yuzuki that Uryu was a fabulous cook.

He stuck his hand into the sack, and pulled out the items.

_Homemade Stew Mackerel,_

_A drink,_

_Rice cakes..._

His eyes wondered to the next item. He picked it up as if it were a dangerous object. Something in his stomach churned.

"What the hell is this?"

Yuzuki swallowed her food. "It's a Twinkie!"

"What the hell is a....Twinkie?"

She smiled. "Oh! It's the best! They'll last for at least ten years on a shelf! They have this amazing cream filling in it, too!"

He shrugged.

_'One bite couldn't hurt.'_

Someone in the bushes grinned in delight a light sparkle coming from their eyes.

_'Checkmate.'_

Toshiro had bitten down on the bite and swallowed it down his throat.

"Hey...that's kinda...good."

Yuzuki gave a thumbs up. "Told you so!"

He began to eat more and more of it. Until every bite was gone.

Another smirk.

"That was very good, Cross-san...so it's a Twinkie right?"

He noticed she was no longer sitting, but in a tree.

"Huh?"

"Shiro-chan, your hair is turning green! Just like your face!"

Toshiro's cheeks puffed out, as his skin turned a sickly green.

"W...hat?! Cross-san....you baka...!!" Toshiro managed to yell.

"Aye, don't blame her, Histugaya-tachiou."

Toshiro turned his head, as Uryu walked out of the bushes.

"Wha...the...hell?! Ishida....!?"

He nodded, and pushed up his glasses, a smirk plastered on his face.

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!?" Toshiro yelled out.

"Who knows?" Uryu replied.

Ichigo popped out of nowhere. "What the hell is going on here?!"

Uryu shrugged. "I was only giving Histugaya-tachiou here a Twinkie."

Ichigo felt a vain mark cross his forehead. "You think your pretty funny, eh?"

"I do."

Yuzuki flashed stepped in front of Ichigo, a Twinkie in her hand, so closely to Ichigo's mouth. His eye twitched violently and he turned a bright green, and bolted away a large trail of dust following the orange haired Shinigami.

"CRAZY MOTHER FUCKER!!!"

Yuzuki shrugged. "What's wrong with him?" and took small bites from the Twinkie.

Uryu shrugged. "Who knows?"

And the two walked off.

Leaving Toshiro on the ground with a puffy green face. "G...et...b....ack.....her...e!!!!!"

Yuzuki perked her ears up. "Did you here something, U-kun?"

Uryu shook his head. "Nope."

- - -

Uryu: Moral this time?

Yuzuki: Yup! I got it right of the back!

**Today's Moral: Strawberries and Twinkies don't mix.**

Uryu: That makes sense.

Ichigo: I hate you!!!

Uryu: I know...and how did you get in here?

Ichigo: You people are crazy!

Yuzuki: Really?

-Uryu walks to closet and opens it, reveling a whole closet full of stacked Twinkies-

Ichigo: -gulps-

Uryu: Don't mess with the Quincy, Ichigo.

Ichigo: Oh shit! AHHHHHH!!!!!!! -Twinkies fall on Ichigo-

Yuzuki: Do you think he'll drown in that? -points at the pile of many Twinkies piled on Ichigo-

Uryu: It's possible.

- - -

Yuzuki: To all a good day, morning, evening or whatever! Review! Because you'll never guess who are next VICTIM is!!


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. Here you go you sick twisted people!

Uryu: Wow. You just called your readers that.

Yuzuki: WHO CARES?! WE GOT TWINKIES!!!

Ichigo: I bet your planning on getting me AGAIN.

Yuzuki: -shrugs- Depends on my mood.

Uryu: -looks at Ichigo- You're screwed.

Ichigo: Yeah, thanks for the comfort.

- - -

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.

- - -

_Listening To: Beautiful Oblivion by Eve 6_

_(We Are Currently Under Going For Our OFFICIAL Theme Song.)_

**Uryu Put Drugs In My Twinkie**

**Part Four!**

**Thanks to -SoulxSocietyxSoulxReaper- and that Anonymous person ! For reviewing on the last chapter! That makes 17 reviews~! (Unless More Have Came In) Yay!**

**Today's Victim:**

**Byakuya Kukichi!**

**Let's see if Uryu and his partner in crime, Yuzuki can break this hard shell...with TWINKIES!**

**Or will Byaku-chan and his pink sword slice through the Twinkies of Awesomeness?!**

Uryu: …

Yuzuki: Come on! Show some spirit!!!

Uryu: You make me look like an asshole.

Yuzuki: An asshole with TWINKIES!

Uryu: You're hopeless. All of you.

Yuzuki: We love you too, Uryu!

- - -

_Narrator POV._

Byakuya Kukichi.

Always calm.

Never one to smile.

Or to show his emotions.

No, he's not Emo.

Where'd you get that idea from anyway?!

Byakuya Kukichi was on a walk, through the Sakura fields. (So cliché.) He sighed as a presence came up from behind him.

"Sir, Yuzuki Cross is wanting to see you." A random member from Squad 6 said.

He hated this woman.

Why?

She was ANNOYING AS HELL.

"Hey, Byaku-chan!" Yuzuki shuponed next to his side. "What's going down, my brother from another mother?"

Byakuya eyed her. "Cut to the chase. What is it you want?"

Yuzuki frowned. "What makes you think I want something? What's wrong with talking to my favorite, moody Captain?"

Byakuya turned his back to her and continued to walk on.

"Are you coming, Cross?"

Yuzuki nodded. "Of course!" and trotted on beside him holding a lunch box in her hand.

**- - - Flashback. An Hour Or So Earlier. - - -**

"_Byakuya Kukichi...this may be a tough one...can you get it to him, Yuzuki?" Uryu's gaze set upon her. She nodded and saluted him. "Of course!"_

_Uryu sighed. "This is not going to be easy."_

_Yuzuki nodded. "I know. But that's why it's sooooo fun!"_

_Uryu smirked. "Alright then. Here's the plan."_

_Yuzuki listening intently to Uryu's words. She gaped afterwards._

"_Wow...that's so...SICK!" she exclaimed._

"_I know. Thank you." Uryu smirked with pride, and passed her a lunch box. "Here. You'll need this. I'll be watching from the side lines."_

_Yuzuki nodded, and eyed the lunch box._

_'It's so...shiny!'_

- - -

"So...I see you brought that box...may I ask what is inside it?" Byakuya said, turning slightly.

"Oh. I brought lunch for you!" Yuzuki said happily. "Uryu-chan made it! Since I can't make food as good as he can!"

"That Quincy?"

Yuzuki nodded. "Yup. He's really a good cook!"

And passed out the lunch box to him. "Here!"

With a click of a button, Byakuya opened the box.

His eyebrow raised.

Inside was...

Was...

Empty.

Nothing was inside it.

"Is this a joke, Cross?"

"Nope. This is the joke!" Yuzuki jerked her thumb behind her.

She smirked and outta nowhere a giant Twinkie giant came from behind her. It was a Twinkie with legs, arms and a cowboy hat, and a scarf like thing around it's neck.

Twinkie the Kid.

She stepped aside, and the giant Twinkie stepped forward. Byakuya stood frozen with his eyes wide as the sun.

Never before had he seen a walking, pastry.

The Twinkie smiled. "Hey, friend! You look all sad and lonely! You need a hug!"

Byakuya flinched at the word. 'Hug'.

It outstretched it's arms and scooped up Byakuya in it's arms and swung him around. "Awww! Don't worry! I'll make it all better! There's no need to be shy!"

Byakuya just was frozen. His eyes on nothing but the background. He didn't even blinkie.

Yuzuki jumped on the Twinkies' head and held out her hands and yelled out: "Hado 33! Shakkaho!"

The Twinkie burst into flames instantly. And It began to melt into a cream.

Yuzuki jumped to the side, and the Twinkie had finished melting on top of Byakuya, leaving him sticky, wet, and covered in white PASTRY cream. (DON'T GET ANY IDEAS. PERVERTS! LMAO!)

His eyes shown through the white cream. And were emotionless as ever.

"Your dead." Byakuya growled lowly.

Uryu laughed. "Don't blame her, Kukichi-san."

Byakuya glared. "You. Quincy."

Uryu smirked. "Who else?"

"What was that hostile pastry?!" Byakuya questioned.

Yuzuki grinned. "It was Twinkie the Kid! Uryu-chan said that it would cheer you up! You look so lonely and sad!"

"I am covered in this disgusting cream. Do I look like I was cheered up?" Byakuya growled.

Yuzuki walked up to him and hugged his PASTRY sticky body.

"Now isn't this a happy ending?" Yuzuki smiled.

"I hate you all." Byakuya said without emotion.

And not far away another Twinkie the Kid was chasing after Ichigo. Ichigo yelled out. "THAT'S NOT EVEN POSSIBLE!!!!!"

Twinkie the Kid smiled and outstretched his arms as he ran towards Ichigo. "I love you! Don't you love me, Ichi?!"

"HELL NO!!!" Ichigo screamed loudly and continued to run as fast as he could.

Uryu smirked. "Now that's what I call a happy ending."

Yuzuki nodded. "You bet."

- - -

**THE END TO THIS CHAPTER!!!**

**- - -**

Yuzuki: Note. PASTRY is capitalized because there are people (PERVERTS) out there that would think something ELSE.

Uryu: Then maybe you shouldn't have said anything. Then they would've ignored it.

Yuzuki: Well I don't want them thinking I'm a pervert! I'm only 14 for Kami's sake! (Turning 15 in August!)

Uryu: It's not your fault that Twinkies are filled with cream.

Yuzuki: Good point!

Another Note: Yuzuki is not a pervert.

Yuzuki: -throws hands in air- WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!

Uryu: ….

Ichigo: ….

Yuzuki: What?

Ichigo: -turns to Uryu- How you manage to put up with her, I'll never know.

Uryu: Not even I know, Ichigo.

- - -

**TODAY'S MORAL:**

**TWINKIES=LOVE**

- - -

Uryu: Your moral's lame today...

Yuzuki: I thought it was well thought out! -beams with pride-

Uryu: … -stares at Yuzuki-

Yuzuki: What?

Uryu: I never knew I'd see the day were you thought something.

Yuzuki: What's that supposed to mean?!

Uryu: …

Ichigo: It means your stupid.

Yuzuki: -pushes Ichigo to the ground, and with great anger and force, repeatedly stomps her foot in his face-

Uryu: ...


	5. Chapter 5: A Search For A New Victim

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. Or any songs I decide to use. Or any other animes/mangas for that matter.

_Our Theme Song: Ready To Die by Andrew W.K._

**Uryu Put Drugs In My Twinkie**

**A Search For A New Victim!!!**

Yuzuki: Hello!

Uryu: ….

Yuzuki: -stares at Uryu- Why so quiet?

Uryu: I don't like today…

Yuzuki: WHY NOT?!

Uryu: It's April Fool's Day.

Yuzuki: So?

Uryu: Never mind…

Yuzuki: I'll interrogate you later, but for now…please read the letter below, my loyal and awesome readers!

_Hello!_

_Yuzuki here, with an all important letter. Now, since Yuzuki (author) has been running out of ideas, she'd like to ask you readers…WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE BE TWINKIEFIED?!_

_In other words, you can choose any characters from these animes:_

_Cowboy Bebop_

_Naruto_

_Bleach_

_Death Note_

_Full- Metal Alchemist_

_And Yuzuki will work her magic, and have a new chapter typed up_ _as soon as possible! You can ever request HOW you want them tortured! If not, then Yuzuki will work her torture magic._

_Please choose your character!_

_Only the first six will be chosen! (But since I'm a nice girl, I mite do more…)_

_So hurry!_

_Happy April Fool's Day!_

_-Love,_

_Yuzuki._

Yuzuki: Alright. There you have it folks.

Ichigo: You can't choose me! I'm forbidden!

Yuzuki: As if, we'll always get you in the end, Ichigo.

Ichigo: I hate you, you know that? Damn you and your sick twisted imagination!

Yuzuki: Thanks, Ichigo! –hugs- I love you too!

Uryu: -is ignored-

**Today's Moral:**

**Spread the love of the Twinkies…and you shall be rewarded…!**

Ichigo: WTF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!

Yuzuki: I don't know…

Uryu: You're crazy.

Yuzuki: Thanks, but really I just typed this up in like two minutes.

Uryu: Yes, you have been procrastinating…

Yuzuki: -gawks- What's that big word mean?

Uryu: …

Ichigo: HOW ARE YOU EVEN AN AUTHOR?!

Uryu: Ichigo, so things are better left unanswered.

**- THE END-**


	6. Chapter 6: The New Victims Just A Note

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, or any Animes/Mangas I'm using.**

_Hello, guys! I've gotten your requests! Here they are!_

_VITIMS!: REQUESTED BY YOU!!!!_

_-The List May Increase, Depending On Yuzuki-_

**Ukitake (It's a challenge, because he's to nice. But I'm managing.)**

**Kenpachi (This person was crazy enough to request Ken-chan. But that's a good thing, cause I would've never thought of it! Thanks!)**

**Sasuke (WAY TO EASY. XD But this one's gonna be fun.)**

**Edward Elric (TWO VOTES. They really must wanna see Edward get tormented...lol.)**

**Roy Mustang (This one's gonna be fun!)**

**Mello (Ah...Mello... -giggles-)**

**Mastuda (Newly requested...who'd guess?)**

**I AM surprised NO ONE SAID LIGHT YAGAMI!-**

_Now, You maybe wondering, what about Isshin and Ryuuken?_

_Well, I have something planned for them. But it's a surprise, then after that...._

_It's the last chapter of Uryu Put Drugs In My Twinkie. -crowd goes 'aw...'- Where Ichi-Chan goes for his revenge!_

_(Unless of course, I get off my lazy mofo ass and write more...)_

_- - -_

_Now, If you are curious about Isshin and Ryuuken...just take a look at Uryu and Ichigo in this fic._

**Ryuuken (When he was 15)=Uryu**

**Isshin (When he was 15)=Ichigo**

**Uryu+Twinkie= Ichigo In Deep Shit.**

**Ryuuken+Twinkie= Isshin In Deep Shit.**

_Okay, you get it?__** -__-'' **__DO I HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU?!_

_Nah. Just kidding. I'm not going to do it, because I've already said to much._

- - -

Yuzuki: Okay, so I should have the first one up by this Friday!** - I AM NOT MAKING A SOLE PROMISE-** Sorry, I've been pretty lazy, and stressed, but it makes me feel good to write stuff like this. Especially when you just had a boyfriend break up with you for stupid reasons, and he left you there, speechless...and uh...so if Yuzuki (In the Fic.) seems more aggressive than usual, don't be surprised. ^.^''

So, anyways, I really have nothing else left to say, but thank you all my readers and reviewers! You're all crazy, but that's why were here, right?! RIGHT!

XD

___**With Lots Of Love, Anime, Uryu, and Twinkies...**_

_**Yuzuki.**_


	7. Chapter 7: Edward

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, or any Animes/Mangas I'm using.**

Yuzuki: Hello! I'm so sorry for my late update! . I've been busy and stuff.

Ed: WTF. Who the hell are you people?! And why'd you drag me here?

Uryu: Yuzuki...um...why is there a midget in the interview room?

Yuzuki: Cause there can be.

Ed: Hey, who are you calling a midget, four-eyes?!

Ichigo: Well at least it's not me tied up in that chair.

Yuzuki: Oi, you know you love it, Ichi.

Ichigo: -scoffs- As if.

- - - -

Uryu: Hm...

Yuzuki: What is it Uryu?

Uryu: I'm guessing I'm going to miss this story once it's over.

Yuzuki: Me too, but hey, no fretting.

Uryu: You have something planned I guess?

Yuzuki: -nods-

**What Yuzuki Plans On Doing:**

**URYU PUT DRUGS IN MY TWINKIE....COSPLAY! )**

Uryu: Uh....

Yuzuki: What? I think it's a good idea. To give the readers a little 'ompf' with Uryu Put Drugs In My Twinkie.

Uryu: Good point...but where are you gonna find the cosplayers?

Yuzuki: -__-" I haven't found any yet...

Uryu: -__-'' Figures.

Yuzuki: But I will be playing me. :p

Uryu: And I'm guessing that insane friend of yours that thinks he's a Arrancar is joining us?

Yuzuki: -grins- Yup!

- - -

_Opening Theme: Ready To Die by Andrew W.K._

**Uryu Put Drugs In My Twinkie**

_Part 7: Edward_

**Victim: Edward Elric.**

**Starring: Uryu Ishida and Yuzuki Cross.**

**Innocent By-Stander: Alphonse Elric.**

**And Mystery Client: Pimp Flame  
**

- - -

Edward Elric sighed and scrathed his blond hair. This was certainly something. In a little town in the west side of Atremis, he heard the villagers talk of something that brings joy to all. As he asked around, he saw these rumors get more unusual.

_"It brings delight to anyone who looks at it!"_

_"My husband came back to me!"_

_"My toilet sung to me!"_

Ed shook his head._ 'There's something going on here.'_

His brother, Alphonse agreed. "It's strange, big brother, but I think these villagers are...insane."

Ed nodded. "Agreed one hundred percent, Al."

After a moment of asking around, it finnally paid off for the Elric Brothers.

_"They're on the edge of town!"_

_"Bring the joy back with you!"_

Ed sighed, as him and his suit of armor brother walked away from the insane village.

- - -

Dark green eyes gleamed with mischeif. "Heh. Here they come, Ishi-kun." She whispered.

A grin spread across Ishida Uryu's face. "Perfect. You remember the plan, right?"

Yuzuki Cross nodded. "Yup."

Uryu grinned wider. "Great. I'll be waiting."

- - -

Ed and all stopped at an old abandoned house, it seemed to be in the middle of nowhere, and nothing but plain and grass. Ed looked up at his younger brother. "Al, you know what to do if..."

"Yeah."

"Good. Let's find out this 'Joy'."

They walked up the steps to the home and knocked on the door.

Green eyes meet with gold ones. "H-Hello...?"

Ed blinked. "Uh..."

It was a girl, probably around his age, she looked sickly pale. Blood quietly leaked from the edge of her lips. "W-Who...are you...?"

Al, and his kind heart took over him. "A-Are you okay?! You're..."

She smiled lightly. "I'm fine. There's no need for that. I was born like this. I know how to take care of it." She wiped the blood away with her hand.

Ed narrowed his eyes lightly. "But there's a reason we came here, Al."

Al nodded. "Yes. You know about this great...'joy'?"

She blinked and threw the hood over head back. She had short ruffled black hair, and smiled somewhat. "Yes." she said stepping back. "I'll show you."

Ed and Al looked at each other and nodded.

- - -

"I'm Alphonse Elric. This is my big brother, Edward Elric." Al introduced them, as they sat down at a wooden table. She gleamed. "I'm Yuzuki. It's nice to meet you. I'm sorry, I don't get visitors. So it's quite a mess around here..."

Al looked around. It was practically empty. "It's fine!"

She smiled. "Hah, I would've thought Al would've been the big brother, in that suit of armor." Ed flinched. "Yeah, but I'm the older brother, don't forget it."

She giggled. "You're very stubborn, I can tell by your additude, Ed."

Ed felt a vain cross his forehead. "Oh yeah?"

"So...would you believe me if I said this..." she held up a package. "Was the 'Joy'?"

Ed blinked. "What...is it?"

Al then read the writing across it. "....Twinkie."

"What the hell is it?"

She smiled. "It's what my friend left me before he died. He made these himself."

Al looked down. "Your friend?"

She nodded and picked up the picture frame that was on the table. "Here. This is him. His name was..."

The boy had blue/raven hair, and wore a pair of square glasses, and his eyes were a bright sapphire.

"Uryu Ishida."

"It was his last wish to make sure the people of this village were happy."

_'Pretty insane is more like it...'_ Ed thought remembering the villager that brought Ed to see his singing toilet.

Al beamed, even in the suit of armor you could see it. "That's very kind of him."

She nodded. "So, he left me this recipe, and I make it for the villagers."

"Oh yeah?" Ed played with the plastic covering. "I don't see what's so good about it."

Yuzuki frowned sadly. Tears dropped from her face to her hands that rested in her lap.

Al looked at his brother. "Brother!"

Yuzuki sighed. "It's alright. Some people just don't believe..." She sobbed, and stood up from the table. "I'm sorry. I have to go check on my...plants..."

And she left out the door. Al glared at his brother. "Brother! You could try to be more sympatetic! She lost a very important person to her!" Al stomped away to look for Yuzuki and exited the building.

_She smiled. "It's what my friend left me before he died. He made these himself."_

Ed sighed. _'Al, you're rubbing off on me...'_

"I guess it wouldn't hurt to try a bite..." he opened the package, and examined the pastry. "Hm...sugar...dough...powered sugar...nothing special...but I mite as well..." he took a bite out of it. He blinked.

_'Whoa.'_

**- - - Outside**

Al sighed. "I'm sorry, Yuzuki, about my brother and..."

Yuzuki shook her head. "It's fine."

Al shook his head. "It's not...and...I-" but a screech of delight intruped him.

"YAHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Huh?"

Ed came flying out the window, breaking through the glass, his eyes bludged out insanley, and his heart beart going four hundred miles an hour. (Not really...but...you get the point.)

"Hey everybody! I, Edward Elric am rebirthed!"

Al looked at Yuzuki. "What's goin on...Yuzuki? Where'd you go?!" he said as Yuzuki was gone from her place.

"Al~!" Ed said, jumping up on Al's head and he cheweed on his metal head of armor. "NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM!!"

Al screeched. "Big brother! My head!"

Ed jumped off his head and ran in cirles around him. "Weeee!! Come and get me, Al!!"

"Brother what's wrong with you?!" Al yelled.

"What's wrong with me?!" Ed shouted, spinning around. "What's wrong with you? He he he!"

Al shook his head rapidly. "What's going on?! Who did this?!"

"Hmph. Your brother sure is a sucker for a sob story." A voice said.

Al gasped. "You're..."

Uryu smirked. "Uryu. Uryu Ishida. I was paid to have your brother 'Twinkiefied'."

"Who paid you?!" Al demanded.

Uryu shrugged. "Some guy going by the name Pimp Flame. How should I know? My clients are all anonomous."

Yuzuki appeared behind him. "Ooooh. So we gotta a mystery?"

Meanwhile, Ed was flipping through the air. "I feel pretty! I feel pretty! Oh so pretty~!"

Yuzuki giggled. "He's insane."

Al growled. "What did you do to brother?!"

Uryu sighed. "They're is a small pill inside the pastry, which I invented myself, with help from Yuzuki here...and it's new...but it usually makes them urinate...or something..."

Yuzuki made and 'o' with her mouth. "You wanted the pee-pee-pill? Oooh. I put the Smiley-pill in it."

Al looked confused, and in the background his brother was prancing around.

"Yes. Hyper-active pill," Uryu spoke. "As I like to call it. I causes the consumer to become rather hyper, but...after a while...they..."

Ed flew through the air as he jumped off a rather high hill he slowly moved through the air and grinned. "I BELIEVE I CAN FLY- OMPF!" Ed fell face first on the ground, a small bit of drool vibrated from his mouth. "Ngh...."

"Pass out." Uryu finihshed.

Al ran over to his brother. "Brother!"

"Well our job is done. Let's go, Yuzuki." Uryu turned around with his assistant. But Yuzuki frowned. "But..."

"But what, Yuzuki?"

She turned to Al and said. "I'll tell you who Pimp Flame is."

Uryu smirked. "You want to get at him, don't you?"

She nodded. Al looked at Yuzuki and Uryu. "You...would do that?"

Yuzuki nodded. "Of course! Yuzuki always wants to help her friends! And where friends, right Al?"

Al nodded. "Of course, Yuzuki!"

Uryu smirked wider. "Alright. Yuzuki tell them who Pimp Flame is."

Yuzuki nodded. "Pimp Flame is..."

- - - -

**THE ENDS!**

Uryu: Oi, you cut it off right there?!

Yuzuki: Of course! I just love cliffys!

Ichigo: And it's pretty damn obvious who Pimp Flame is...and

Yuzuki: STUFF IT, ICHI! -stuffs Twinkie in his mouth and Ichi faints-

Uryu: O.o Um...are...you okay...Ichigo?

Ichigo: Xo~ -drools-

Yuzuki: Baka! Don't mess with the cliffys!

- - -

Uryu: So, what's todays moral?

Yuzuki:Oh...here it is! :)

**TODAY'S MORAL: **

**DON'T DISS THE TWINKIES! TWINKIES CONTROL GRAVITY, TOO!**

-plays sence where Ed falls flat on his face-

Ed: Ngh.... -still out cold-

Ichi: -out cold-

Yuzuki: Will we be arrested, Ishi-kun?

Uryu: Nah. Just cover them up with the rug. It'll be fine.

- - -

**UPDATES! -A How's Yuzuki Doing?!-**

_VICTIMS!: REQUESTED BY YOU (Or at least...some of you.)!!!!  
_

_-The List May Increase, Depending On Yuzuki-_

**Ukitake (I'm still working on Uki-chan. It's hard cause I have no reason to hurt him.)  
**

**Kenpachi (Ha. I'm having fun with Kenny.)  
**

**Sasuke (Sasuke meets twinkies. That CAN'T be good.)  
**

**Edward Elric -FINISHED!-  
**

**Roy Mustang ( -giggles-)**

**Mello (Ah...Mello... -giggles-)**

**Mastuda (Mastu-chan gets hired...by somone you'd never guess...) )**

**Isshin and Ryuken (Ah. The last one. I've written three sentecnes of it.)  
**

**-I AM STILL SHOCKED NO ONE SAID LIGHT YAGAMI! I Mite just add him ) -**

**And Newly Requested by: Nozomi Shisou (My Sister): L.**

**L.**

**CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!**

**No this isn't Naruto. It's L. L!!!! OMFG. This is gonna be fun! Even though I love L-chan alot. It'll still be fun.**

**Since I am back, I may take a few more requests. I'll mostly update on weekdays now. So, be prepared...and I highly recomend not eat/drinking/being around family or friends, you may choke/spit up water or whatever you're drinking/get sent to a mental hospital. (I should've warned upu earlier but didn't feel like it. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY DEATH OR INJURY! :P  
**

**Sorry for shortness! Hope you liked!**

**Next chapter, we solve the mystery of...PIMP FLAME!**

**JUST WHO IS THIS PIMP FLAME?!**

**JUST WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS?!**

**YOU WILL REVIEW, OR PIMP FLAME MITE GET YOU!**

**No, I'm just messing with you.**

**^.^**

**Now review. :)**

**It makes me happy to know people are reading, and makes me update faster. :p**

**-I LOVE YOU ALL!!!**

**Yuzuki  
**


	8. Chapter 8: SPECIAL: FF Seven

I DON'T OWN BLEACH, FINAL FANTASY VII OR ANY CHARCTERS. JUST MY OC AND MY STORY PLOT.

Motto of the day: Twinkies. Now with a hundred percent crack!

Note: Did anyone here about the guy who robbed a bank and then blamed it on the Twinkies? YEAH. GOOGLE THAT SHIT!

* * *

**URYU PUT DRUGS IN MY TWINKIE**

_SPECIAL._

_FINAL FANTASY VII_

**STARTING:**

URYU ISHIDA AND YUZUKI CROSS

**CO-STARRING:**

RENO

SPECIAL THANKS TO YOU READERS WHO ARE READING THIS DESPITE MY LACK OF UPDATING FOR THE PAST YEAR!

**_YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME._**

* * *

Yuzuki: See? I kinda like the new title...

Reno: Eh, I don't think they care, yo. You've abandoned them, man.

Yuzuki: I did no such thing...I just...you know...lost my drugs...

Uryu: DRUGS?

Yuzuki: Well, not drugs! Just you know, my _omph_! You know...

Reno: I think you lost more than that...

Cloud: I think all of you lost it...

Reno: Hey, buddy, you decided to watch the show?

Cloud: No. -leaves-

Uryu: You should really leave your door locked.

Yuzuki: It was locked. o.O

Yuzuki's dad: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE FRONT DOOR! YUZUKI!

Yuzuki: I hate you guys.

* * *

It was quiet all around the building of ShinRa. To quiet for our red-head Reno. Boredom struck him, easliy.

He began to spin in his chair, but it made him dizzy, so he stood up which was a bad idea. He lost his balance, thus falling onto the floor.

"I hate my life." He stated, standing up to his feet. "There ain't nothing to do, yo!"

Until the door opened.

"Yo, Reno!" It was Yuzuki. A child like prankster girl with a perky personality, she made friends so easliy...it was kind of scary. She had short black hair and vibrant green eyes.

"Oh, what are you doing here, missy?" He asked, crossing his arms with a smirk on his face.

"I just wanted to see my favorite red-head!" She smiled, flashing him a thumbs up.

"Riiiighttt...what do you really want? I'm broke, yo." Reno pulled his pockets out, showing he certianly was broke.

"I brought some treats!" She held up a Spider-Man lunch pail.

"Ohhhh, other-worldly treats?" Reno found this interesting, also the possible cure for his boredom.

"Yeah, my friend gave them to me!" She smiled, opening the lunch pail on his desk.

"Friend? Or your boyfriend?" The red-head teased, handling one of the treats in his palm.

"Speaking of friends, I need to go see Cloud!" She remembered. "I was supposed to help him with errands this week! I forgot!" She packed up her lunch pail, waving to Reno a goodbye, leaving him alone and bored with a...

"What is this thing called?" He asked himself, checking the package.

"...Twinkie."

He shrugged tearing it open. I was soft like a puff of cloud, so he bit into it, the creamy middle filling wrapping onto his tongue.

He made a satisfied noise as he swallowed, "Not bad. Not bad."

But little did he know...that the secruity camera was being viewed by some unlikely people...

Rufus Shinra sat back in his chair, growing bored of watching the television screen.

"Is this it? I'm not going to sit here and watch him eat." Rufus said.

Yuzuki shook her head, "Give it time. Besides, I got this for free!"

Rufus glared. "I gave you Gil..."

Uryu, who stood behind Yuzuki shook his head, "Which is useless in our world. Yuzuki here took the liberty of paying me the equal amount."

"What-"

Yuzuki waved her hand infront of Rufus's face, "Shush! He's doing something!"

Reno felt strange. He felt like he could just start twitching...grow wings...and fly...?

"What the fuck was in that?" Reno said, though he couldn't hear it, he was shouting. "Red Bull?"

Reno fell to the floor, unable to contain his laughter, "H-Hahahaha! I ate...hahaha! Red...Bull!" He snorted in between his fit of uncontrolable fits of laughter, like it was the funniest thing in the world.

Yuzuki giggled, "He's twitchy!"

"Obviously. Now for the main event to hit." Uryu said, capturing Rufus's full attention.

Reno laughed hard, his stomach began to cramp as he let out a loud burp...that practially shook the whole ShinRa building.

Rufus fell out of his chair, Yuzuki fell on top of the television and Uryu remained where he stood...just that he was sitting on his head.

"WHAT THE HELL?"

Soon, Reno's Turk friend Rude entered the room, his glasses cracked most likely from Reno's loud burp.

He stared at his partner in disbelief.

Reno noticed his tall bald partner in the room, though still unable to quit laughing. "H-Hahaha! I fucked your glasses...hahaha up!"

Rude shook his head, "And you call yourself a Turk?"

Tseng quickly entered the room, Elena behind him, "What the fuck was that?"

Rude shrugged, "Reno just...erupted. I think."

"RENO! CLEAN THIS MESS UP NOW!" Tseng ordered, but Reno continued to laugh and laugh, you'd think his cheek bones would fall off by now.

"RENO!"

* * *

Yuzuki: I think the fangirls will like this unseen side of you.

Reno: WHAT THE HELL! WHEN DID YOU GET THIS ON TAPE?

Uryu: The day it happened.

Reno: I DESTROYED IT!

Rufus: That's why we made copies, Reno.

Cloud: You really are a moron.

Yuzuki's dad: WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?

Yuzuki: -knocks dad out- I really gotta fix that door...


End file.
